i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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