theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
should my penis look like a turkey
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
