My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
