I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
