She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
