there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
