she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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