There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
now i know why i became what i already was.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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