he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
