she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
