Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
