i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
