guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Randomize
