hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
