I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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