I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
