Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
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