Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
