I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
