I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
