after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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