Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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