Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
