My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
why is half of my head shaved?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
