My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
