I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
