So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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