a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
