i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
