i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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