I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
