Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i will never coherently bang her
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
