sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
