So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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