There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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