After last night, I could never be a politician.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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