I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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