My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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