Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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