Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
