I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
