guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
