Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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