return my video game
You're my little dorito
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
