hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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