pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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