I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
