Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
