I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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