Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
