He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
