Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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