i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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