I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
