im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
