do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
