I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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