I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
