i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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