we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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