I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
