Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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