Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
