pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize