I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
