mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
