he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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