I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
