I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
