yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
